18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have.

Hello to all of Vantage's male readers. This is an article I read in a magazine months ago, I recently found it again online. This article is very entertaining and very true. Give it a read through. If any of these rules/guidelines apply to you don't be offended! However, you may want to rethink your strategy. hehe So here you go the 18 things a MAN should not have. Enjoy.



1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.



3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her . . . along with breakfast in bed.



4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.



5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork, this magazine.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.



7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.



9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.



11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.



12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."



14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.



15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.



16. A secret handshake.



17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.



18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop . . . "

What do you think?? COMMENT!

Done.